Thoughts of a 33 week pregnant woman

Yow.

It's been awhile.

Tara, why oh why has it been two months since you've posted?

Tara likes to blog in the evening. And over the past few months when I would normally come down to the ol' rocking chair with computadora in lap and rally my thoughts and photos, I instead came downstairs, kicked Kurt out of the chair and after about 20-30 minutes, kicked him off the futon and assumed the horizontal position. I do not type well from prone.

So here they are - in no certain order - my brain on screen.

• Our trip. The month long Midwest tour was again, magical. I was all fearful that we wouldn't be able to duplicate last year's awesomeness, but we've got two solid summers running. Aside from the unique-to-home experiences and time with family, which I'm sure I'll soon share, this was truly a vacation. Respite. A departure from the daily grind of commuting to school, volunteering at school, cleaning house and just being "in charge". And getting to do that for 32 days allows a girl to unwind. Like seriously unload and just be. Don't even get me started on the sanctuary that is sitting on the swing on my parents' deck and taking in the peace and beauty of the grass, woods and pond. Dude, that's where I got to read my Bible, eat or just enjoy the serenity.

• Imminent infant. Before leaving I had scarcely acknowledged mentally what's about to happen. Had not purchased or planned for a single baby item. But being away let me take my first baby steps toward gearing up for what's 6 1/2 weeks out. Small things like purchasing the most adorable pair of consignment baby shoes. Yeah, yeah, if pink metallic giraffes don't suit this kiddo, I'll, sniff, have to give them away. OR keep them for #4! No, seriously, one baby at a time folks. Also got myself some pretty hand sanitizers from Bath and Bodyworks to have in my living room this fall. I thought I was being all proactive and yeah, pretty! No sterile-looking generic brand pump amidst my decor! (I mentioned the sale, right?) Kurt says this tells our friends that we think they're dirty. I say I have many mama friends of newborns that have you sanitize upon entry. Too forward? Debate I have not.

• Baby belly. I think I've upgraded from basket to beach ball, but I feel really good. Possibly superior to second trimester! Blessing? Yes. And as just alluded, not knowing whether or not this is the last Little Lewis, I am desperately wishing I could forever record what it feels like to have a baby in my belly. Making it pitch, bulge, quiver. I'm pretty sure I shook hands with the baby yesterday. It got the hiccups the other night and my stomach was just a constant twitch. This baby could currently be fine outside of the womb, crying, sleeping, being hot or cold. All thoroughly difficult to grasp. If only a photo or video could kinesthetically capture pregnancy for me to remember.

• The return. We got back a week ago today. As we drove along the Potomac last Tuesday night, I told Kurt that I was praying against anxiety and for a sane return to reality. Baby, we've hit the ground running. Being gone for a month, it felt like we were moving back in. So with lots of spaces empty from our absence, Day One I deep cleaned the refrigerator, rearranged the utensil drawer, organized the shoe closet, cleaned the medicine cabinet and scoured the shower. Nesting? Kurt called it Tara coming home with a vengeance. I'm telling you, it's Melba. Being with my 86 year-old grandma, who assesses a task at hand and says, "We just need to go to work and..." and has the work ethic of ten men, really struck me this trip. Just take care of it! I know, not something that should be revolutionary, but I'm super thankful and feel empowered and motivated, versus paralyzed and unproductive. That coupled with hanging with my dear friend Mel, who's two weeks ahead of me but has been having contractions for weeks, which keep her essentially immobile. HUGE mental shift - I am able.

So yeah, it's happening. I am going to have a baby. A third baby. After a 4 1/2 year hiatus. In Virginia. In a three level, two bedroom, 900 square foot row house.

I'll let you know what I think.